Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone