What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
