Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
