normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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