Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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