hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize