Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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