Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
