I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
