My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
