if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
