I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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