If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My legs feel like baby dolphins
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
