He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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