Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
