i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My balls are so social today.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize