her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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