wat bout pragnant strippers??
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
