Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
