you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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