youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
