apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
