She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
