i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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