just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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