I showed him my bush... on skype.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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