Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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