Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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