just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
