Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
