nutella sex= disaster
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
