Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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