Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize