I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
