this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
