Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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