I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
