i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
