Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
