She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
