Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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