guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
