Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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