I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
