i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
