third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
