Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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