Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyone says I win the strip club
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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