In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
