She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they're like a gay fantastic four
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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