We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
