Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
