I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was like eating out sand paper
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
