I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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