Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
someone owes me an orgasm
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
