I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize