Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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