I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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