Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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