This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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