remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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