We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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