Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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