He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
