i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
