We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
