i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
