I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
