ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
