I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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