thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
