I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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