My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
