I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
