you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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