apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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